10 Oscar-Worthy Parenting Lessons From Hollywood's Greatest Movie Dads
6 February 2020
The 92nd Academy Awards will be held on Sunday at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood. Oscars will be given out for Best Picture, Best Actor in a Leading Role, Best Actress in a Leading Role, and Best Documentary Feature, to name a few. What about the Oscar for the all-time best parenting lesson from a dad on the silver screen? I’m glad you asked. Here are the nominees.
Gregory Peck in To Kill a Mockingbird
Scout and Jem hit the daddy lotto getting Atticus (Gregory Peck) as their father. When Atticus, a respected lawyer, defends an innocent black man in a racist, southern town, his kids have to deal with a lot as a result. After a rough day at school, Scout gets this wisdom from her dad: “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
Dustin Hoffman in Kramer Versus Kramer
Dustin Hoffman plays workaholic ad exec Ted Kramer in this classic film that won five Oscars. Ted has just landed the biggest account of his career, only to find out that his wife is leaving him and their young son. After many months, though, she comes back into their lives and wants custody. Here is Ted Kramer (Hoffman) making his case: “What is it that makes somebody a good parent? You know, it has to do with constancy, it has to with patience, it has to do with listening to them. It has to do with pretending to listen to them when you can’t even listen anymore. And it has to do with love.”
Laurence Fishburne in Boyz n the Hood
John Singleton, at the age of 23, was nominated for an Oscar for this screenplay. Tre (played by Cuba Gooding Jr.) is sent to live with his father, Furious Styles (Laurence Fishburne), in South Central LA. Furious is strong, wise, knows the difference between right and wrong, and can give you a fade at the drop of a dime. Here he’s talking to his teenage son, Tre, while cutting Tre’s hair: “How many times have I told you, if a girl says she's on the pill, you use somethin anyway. Pill ain't goin' to keep your dick from falling off. I don't know why you insist on learning things the hard way, but you gon' learn. Oh yeah, you gon' learn. Pick up that hair.”
Steve Martin in Father of the Bride
George Banks (Steve Martin) and his wife Nina are the proud parents of Annie, but when she returns from studying abroad and announces that she's engaged their whole world turns upside down.
“I remember how her little hand used to fit inside mine. Then comes the day when she wants to get her ears pierced, and wants you to drop her off a block before the movie theater. From that moment on, you're in a constant panic. You worry about her meeting the wrong kind of guy, the kind of guy who only wants one thing, and you know exactly what that one thing is, because it's the same thing you wanted when you were their age. Then, you stop worrying about her meeting the wrong guy, and you worry about her meeting the right guy. That's the greatest fear of all, because, then you lose her. It was just six months ago that that happened here. Just six months ago, that the storm broke.”
Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness
Chris Gardner (Will Smith) and his young son Christopher have been evicted from their apartment and have nowhere to go. Despite having to live in shelters and endure many hardships, Chris never loses hope and continues to try to create a better life for himself and his son.
Chris Gardner: “Hey. Don't ever let somebody tell you... you can't do something. Not even me. All right?”
Christopher: “All right.”
Chris Gardner: “You got a dream... you gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period.”
Dennis Hopper in True Romance
Former police officer Clifford Worley (Dennis Hopper) hasn’t heard from his son Clarence (Christian Slater) in three years, when Clarence and his new bride Alabama show up unannounced and need his help. Now, please understand me, I’m not suggesting that either one of these guys is a role model, but Clifford, who was a drunk and wasn’t involved with his son’s life for many years, redeems himself with the ultimate sacrifice (similar to Darth Vader’s story). When the mob arrives at Clifford’s looking for his son and the drugs he stole (after Clarence and Alabama have already left for California), Clifford knows what’s coming, but won’t talk. Or, I should say, he talks, but not about what the mob wants.
Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire
Mrs. Doubtfire is a hilarious and heartfelt story about a voice actor (Robin Williams) who disguises himself as an older woman so he can be a nanny and spend time with his kids after a divorce.
Chris: “But you don't like wearing that stuff, do you, Dad?”
Daniel: ”Well, some of it's comfortable - NO! No; it's a pain in the padded ass. This isn't a way of life; it's just a job. I don't go to old-lady bars or anything like that after work, you know. It's just the only way I can see you guys every day.”
James Earl Jones (Mufasa) in The Lion King
This Disney classic animated feature tells the story of Simba, a young lion, who is to succeed his father, Mufasa (James Earl Jones), as King of the Pride Lands. It’s a powerful story about loss and courage and, of course, the circle of life.
Mufasa to his son, Simba: "Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As king, you need to understand that balance and respect all the creatures, from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope."
Mufasa to his son Simba again later: "Simba, let me tell you something my father told me. Look at the stars. The great kings of the past look down on us from those stars... so whenever you feel alone, just remember that those kings will always be there to guide you. And so will I."
Soon-Tek Oh (Fa Zhou) in Mulan
Afraid that her father Fa Zhou (Soon-Tek Oh) will be drafted into the Chinese military, Mulan takes his spot -- though, as a girl, she is technically unqualified to serve. She cleverly impersonates a man and goes off to train with fellow recruits.
Fa Zhou to Mulan: “The greatest gift and honor is having you for a daughter.”
Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle
After the death of his wife, Sam Baldwin (Tom Hanks) moves to Seattle with his son, Jonah. When Jonah calls in to a talk-radio program to find a new wife for his father, Sam reluctantly gets on the line to discuss his feelings. Spoiler alert: Annie (Meg Ryan), who is already engaged, is listening to the talk show and she falls hard.
Sam to Jonah: “I never did. I mean, the whole idea of an afterlife … but now, I don’t know. ‘Cause I have these dreams. About your mom. And we have these long talks about you and how you’re doing, which she sort of knows, but I tell her anyway. So what is that? That’s sort of an afterlife, isn’t it?”
And The Winner Is…
Tom Hanks, because we both went to Skyline High School in Oakland. Actually, and I don’t want this to be a “participation trophy” type of situation, all of these on-screen dads win. They all win because each and every one of them teaches us about what matters and what’s most important in life and in our relationships with our children: love and loyalty, persistence and dedication, acceptance and courage. Fortunately, we can always pull up these films and re-watch them. We can watch them (well, maybe not True Romance) with our kids. We can have conversations with our children about these films and even create parent/child movie clubs with other families. None of these silver screen dads is perfect, but what we all want, I think, when we really look down deep, is to continue to lean towards the best versions of ourselves like they do on the big screen. As parents, we want to know that we got our uniforms dirty. That we consistently showed up. That we did our very best. And that our children know that in their hearts.
My dad died when I was 27 years old. All these years later, I miss him like it happened yesterday. I don’t have video clips of my dad and me, unfortunately, but in my mind I re-watch our movie all the time. And every time he gets the Oscar.
